LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
