I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
