Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
