I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize