Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My bed smells like the plague
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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