I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
