I have demons in me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
