the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize