oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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