Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
