i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
