I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
