Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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