I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I smell stomach acid.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
