the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
