Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
