I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
