Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position

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(510): View more from California

Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.

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(435): View more from Utah

Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night

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(252): View more from North Carolina

You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??

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(714): View more from California

can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?

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