physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize