you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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