Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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