bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
