it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
