Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
