I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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