We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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