I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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