In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
