Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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