Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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