don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
