omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
