around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize