and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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