Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Another day, another engagement, another cat
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
