i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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