12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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