i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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