Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
