This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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