She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sext me about skeletons
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
