My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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