I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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