No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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