You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
