If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
