wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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