i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
