Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
