Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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