too bad you live with your parents still
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
