having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
