So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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