so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
