First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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