So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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