would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize