Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
