Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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