Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
