first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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