I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
