You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
operation have a gay friend backfired
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
