after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize