you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
