plz talk dirty to me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
