If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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