the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
