you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
