burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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