I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
