made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
