let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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