I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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