I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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