my room smells like sperm. sweet.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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