so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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