I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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