she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You took a bar mat shot.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
