dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
