I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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