Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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