The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
