So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
