but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
