like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
