can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
