New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
