dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
the raccoons are back...
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